Weekend
Its Sunday-morning, twelve oclock. I wakeup. Felix lifts his head. We rise and godownstairs. He circles at my feet. I makehis breakfast and switch on the stereo.The pond is thinly covered by a sheetof...
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The unbearable lightness of being and not worrying about it. Sold as seen.Have a nice weekend.p
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Hallo Remco,Als ik het wel heb zijn wij landgenoten. Aangenaam op deze wijze kennis te maken. Prachtig gedicht - en tussen de regels zeer 'Hollands' (op een of andere 'onmiskenbare' manier).Met...
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Hello Remco,This is delightful. We haven't met but I've seen your name bandied about here with respect, and I see that it is well deserved. You make the creative process look easy -- the mark of one...
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Hello Remco.Nice to have you back again.This has your usual competence, although I'm not sure about Peter's perspective. I think perhaps your circumstances have changed recently.I'd delete the hyphen...
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Dear all,Thank you for your kind words on this poem. I was surprised none of you had something to say about the short sentences in the first quatrain that have a staccato like effect I am unsure...
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Remco,You get a lot of that - well done - nice read and so on, but it's better than nothing and anyway, it is a nice read. Staccato seems too strong a word - too harsh - too rough. The sentences read...
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As to the 'staccato' (in the first quatrain): no, I didn't perceive it that way. The style works quite naturally - throughout quatrains 1 & 2. It's a nice counterpoint to the rest of the poem....
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Remco--Good to see you back.Fine piece. My only nit, and the only partof the staccato effect that bothered me, isthe "wake / up." enjambment. Coming to a fullstop one syllable into the line reads...
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With these adjustments I have removed the hyphen in Line 1, improved the "wake/up" enjambment and corrected the spelling error in line 8. I feel the flow of the first quatrain is better now.Thanks...
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Holy Jesus! Who talked you into this? Over the weekend the same happened to poor Mr Anthony.Your whole Line 1 is now out of the window. OVERCONSTRUCTION. Unesthetic/unpoetic par excellence. Like a...
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Dutch,The first version has the virtue of simplicity, the second one has added fluency. I have not made a definite choice yet.Keep your hair on....Greetings,Remco
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Hi Remco. Good piece, althought I prefer the first version of line 1. I also recommend removing the quotes from "Winter" so your punctuation doesn't break up the flow, and to give a visual as well as...
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Those of you who are in favour of the first version of line 1 will be pleased that I have decided to reinstall it. I have taken up the suggestion of removing the quotes. They are not really necessary...
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...I wakeand Felix lifts his head...Would give you the run-on.I'm going to put Vivaldi on now. I think it should be a recommended accompaniment.With regard to your first revision - I think you were...
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Remco--There are, of course, a lot of ways you could manipulate that first line, say, for instance, "It's sunday morning, twelve, before I wake / & Felix lifts his head..." I didn't have much of a...
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Mike,I thought I this one was finished, but your remark about "at it" not being necessary gives me food for more thought. Two syllables to work with. Hm...wonder what I can do with them.Remco
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